What does “love” mean to you? It’s that warm, fuzzy, can’t-live-without feeling, right? Or, is it harder to put a finger on, but you know it when you see or feel it?

Maybe a better question is how do you show others that you love them? On the flipside, how do you want others to show you how they care?

The reality is that we each experience love differently, and along those lines, we tend to communicate our love for others in very specific ways. That’s right, love is about communication, it’s a two-way street, and the language of love is not the same for everyone.

When I first heard about “love languages” -- which have been popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his The 5 Love Languages® book series -- a long time ago, I rolled my eyes at the whole idea. I just figured love was love, and if you love someone enough, then the relationship works.

That is, of course, until I got my heart broken. 

I honestly couldn’t figure out how the relationship did not work out. On paper, it was a figurative match made in heaven. Being a cerebral type of person, I needed answers. So, what did I do? You guessed it: I snatched up the quickest copy of The 5 Love Languages I could find and read it cover to cover!

It was one of those “Aha!” moments where suddenly everything made sense. Simply put, we did not speak each other’s love language!

According to Dr. Chapman, the 5 Love Languages are:

While all 5 love languages are important and need to be addressed in a relationship, did you know you have a primary love language? It’s true, and the reality is that if that specific need is not being met, then we tend to not feel loved -- even if your partner is speaking all the other love languages. It’s like they’re talking in a foreign language!

For example, my primary love language is Quality Time, and it is very clear to my husband when this need of mine is not being met. I tend to shut down and go internal. When this happens, he knows it’s time for a date night! LOL!

On the other hand, his primary love language is Words of Affirmation, which just so happens to be a very hard one for me to speak. This is not only because I am an introvert, but also because this love language is last on my list. It’s not important to me, so it’s just not very top-of-mind for me. 

But since it’s important to him, I have had to get really creative to find meaningful ways to speak his love language… Hello, STICKY NOTES! Words of affirmation can, of course, be verbal as well written in text messages or emails. 

If you don’t know your love language, I highly encourage you to take The 5 Love Languages Quiz. It’s easy, insightful and free, and it can be a game changer when it comes to build stronger connections and relationships, not just with your significant other but also with friends and family. And while you’re at it, invite them to take the quiz as well so you can give and receive love in more meaningful ways!

What is your love language? Were you surprised?